Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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