everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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