I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
