just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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