her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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