So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i barfeds in our rink
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
