Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
