I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
