I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Oh god it's open bar.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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