Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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