lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He did a backflip because drugs
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