Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You smell like stripper and shame
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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