This is not my ceiling
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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