The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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