I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
