Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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