this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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