He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
