Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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