So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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