i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
