That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
