Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
