i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
