I heard we made out
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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