The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
