clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
