how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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