I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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