I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
