Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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