Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
