ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize