Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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