got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
