What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
