he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Are we still banned from the library?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
