The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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