I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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