"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
