Don't make out with my wife yet
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
