I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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