pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
