You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
