My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
