the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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