So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
