im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
