Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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