I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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