Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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