so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
